How many Firsts? Part 1

Thinking about the title of my first post, led me to reflecting about how many first times there have been in my life, and of those there are many, some positive and some not so positive. I like to think that the not positive ones have now become something I've learnt from, learnt how to manage and been able to turn into positives.

1996 - was the first time I got dumped - I thought I had found the one person I could spend the rest of my life with. I truly believed that we were soul mates as we shared so many of the same interests and hobbies. I enjoyed spending time with him and his family as it provided an escape from the craziness of mine and I felt we would last the distance, but it was not to be. 3 years of endless, springs, summers, autumns and winters, became the autumn of discontent.

Although I was devastated and spent the best part of a year trying to forget, I never really could and I think somewhere a small part of me still loves him and always will. I don't think upon those times with regret, how could I? They were some of the best years of my life, knowing that someone loved me for just being me, made me feel so special and confident in myself. I want to thank him wholeheartedly for the time we shared, the places we went and the new experiences we discovered together, for without this time I would have never met my husband.

1996 - was also the first time I went away to University - my uni years how I hated nearly every second, these are years that I try not to think about, but I feel they deserve a mention for without them I would not be where I am today. Having total freedom and nursing a broken heart went to my head, I know I did many idiotic things within the first 6 months or so, I destroyed friendships and I think I was on self-destruct, I just wanted to forget. I lost all perception of myself, my faith in God, and blamed everyone else but me.

Now I know that God was watching out for me and leading me to the place where I am today, without the awful times, the upsets and the devastation I would not have come through stronger, brighter, and better. Although it might have to taken the best part of 10 years to come through the other side, this is a time when I'll take both the positives and negatives, but never look on it fondly.

1997 - was the first time I became an Auntie - I'll never forget the day I went home for a visit, the first for a while. I can remember vividly what I was wearing, black jeans and boots and Chris' red shirt (the one I kept following the breakup). I'd just got in when my Dad said we've got something to tell you "your sisters got married and is having a baby due in November".
I remember feeling angry and upset, I'd always wanted to be the first, and now I'd never have that chance. But those feelings soon went away and on November 17th my beautiful niece Bethany was born. Now I may be an auntie to 4 other nieces and nephews, but I'll never forget that first time, the feeling of pride, a change in status and a wonder at how someone so tiny could be made a reality. Bethany's now getting on for 12 and is growing up fast, no longer can I see that tiny baby, but I'm proud of the person she's becoming.


1998 - was the ... time I met my lovely Richard and the became a girlfriend without knowing it!!
- I had known Richard for quite a while I think about 11 / 12 years on and off and if I'm honest I'd always held a candle for him. When I was 13 my mum told me I'd marry him, needless to say I didn't believe her.

Before going out with Richard, I don't think we'd ever had a conversation let alone even thought we could be on each others radar. It took one conversation with my friends Hannah and Melanie for a small thought to become a reality ... in fact they asked him out for me!! So that Easter weekend we played cards had a small conversation and a hug on the last day. He then said "I guess we'd better sod off then", which I took as "SOD OFF, I don't want to see you again". Meanwhile Richard had gone home and told his family and friends he had a girlfriend, it was only a few days later upon returning to uni that I discovered just how serious he was and the rest as they say is history ... We have decided that the SOD OFF day is now our official anniversary ... 24th April St. Georges Day.

1998 - was the first time I sat in a Police Cell - this has to have been the most scary of my reflections, I'd never been in trouble with the Police before, and in all honesty have no idea how I got there. It all started when my flat mate became jealous of my relationship with Richard and believed that I would wreck his life. It was a really bad time, and I'm just glad to have had the support of Richard, his family and his friend Jason. It was when he said that he'd stand by me no matter what, that I knew he was serious and that he was the one.

1998 - was the first time I recieved 3 Marriage Proposals - 3 marriage proposals, how lucky can a girl be? We'd only been together 4 months when he first asked me, we were walking past an ostrich farm in Wales on holiday with his parents. I told him Maybe at that point, but inside I was thinking "me, what's so special about me?" The instant we returned we told Jason, we were getting married :-)

The second time was a few months later, this time the response was "ok but you've got to ask my dad and tell your parents" I think we'd been together for 6 months at this point.

The third and final time was on my 21st birthday - 1st Dec - we had gone out for dinner and afterwards whilst looking at the stars in Eynsford, the statement came "I was going to ask you to marry me tonight but the ring isn't ready ... but will you anyway" . This time my response was "Yes". On December 24th I got my engagement ring a beautiful Ruby surrounded by 12 Diamonds, all designed by Richard.

1998 - the first time I went to Italy - this was a holiday without Richard and although it felt a little weird it was amazing, he had written me a letter for every day that I was away :-) On this trip I also met with my friend Colin, 11 years later we're still friends. This love affair with Italy has continued and I just can't keep away, this summer (2009) I'm going back.

2000 - the first time I got Married - I hated most of my wedding day, yes it had good bits but I still hated it. There were people there I didn't want, my dress was ruinned by the dressmaker, the photographer really got on my nerves, and Richard's sister was miserable, crying and downright awful. But on the upside, the flowers were magnificent, the service amazing, my grandparents and friends were there , the food was good, and we cut the cake with a big sword :-).

Best of all I was marrying the man I loved, saying vows that would bind us together in a way that nothing else could, becoming joined together in the prescence of God. That part of the day was the best saying the vows, feeling as if we were the only people in the whole world and that nothing else mattered. It's a day I don't intend to repeat because it was so special, although I think renewing our vows would be a magical thing.