Goodbyes

Looking back through Sunday Scribblings older posts for some inspiration for writing, I came accross a prompt entitled "Goodbyes". I have written several poems about Goodbyes and thought that I'd post a couple here.

Parting Speech was one of the first poems I wrote. I was 15 when I penned this as part of my English homework. We were studying the first world war and were tasked with writting about saying goodbye to soldiers leaving for the front line.




Parting Speech

As I saw you walking down the quiet and desolate platform,
My heart went out to you,
I found no words that could express the feelings and emotions,
That ran through my mind.

I could only imagine what might happen in the future,
I could only think of saying goodbye,
I just cannot imagine life without you by my side,
But I suppose I will have to try.


I will have to get used to you not being here to comfort me,
I know that you would not wish for me to be sad,
But that you would only wish for my eternal happiness.

I kept asking myself questions, "Why must you go?"
"Why must you leave me?"
I kept thinking that I was to blame, that I had sent you away,
But I knew within myself that it was because you had to fight.

You had to fight for your country, you had to fight for what was right,
When you took me in your arms and kissed me for the last time,
It was as if time stood still, went back to when we first met.

Just knowing that our sweet and tender moment could not last,
Made tears course down my cheeks.
I did not want to let you go,
I only wanted to stay wrapped in your embrace forever.

As I watched the train pull slowly and silently away,
My heart was torn in two, a whole chapter of my life was gone,
Never to be renewed.

I will always remember the look on your face as the train left,
One of sadness, emptiness and love.
I will carry the memory of you in my heart always,
And the locket you gave me I will wear with pride.

I will think of you everyday
And please remember you are mine and I am yours
For all eternity.

What Would I demand

Today's post is inspired by Sunday Scribblings post 207 - Demands.

In its simplest form the post asks for us to write about our demands if we were a celebrity. I find this a really hard concept to follow as on the one hand I despise the celebrity culture for the simple fact that for many they are unable to remain hidden in their own private world. Society as a whole wants to know everything about them, Who are they dating?, Has their marriage failed?, How big is their house?, What are their demons?. So I guess that even their demands are there ready, waiting to be plucked from the air and transcribed so dutifully in the pages of Hello, OK and Heat magazine.

Although I must admit that even I on occasion have fallen foul of the societal media machine and purchased that copy of OK magazine just because Peter Andre was on the front cover!! I know it is shallow considering my statements above but I have a genuine like of the guy and find myself fascniated by his life, I do not want to know every little thing that he has done, I'm not interested if he has Bollinger Champagne on tap, or purple towels in his room whilst on tour etc. I want to see the family man, know that he is enjoying his life with and through his young family.

So for me to assume the role of a celebrity would be a difficult one I do not know where I would start or even if I would demand anything. I think I am the most unassuming person when it comes to myself, I like to give and make people happy, anything I want remains hidden inside. Perhaps then I will twist this post and instead of being a celebrity I will be me, because I think that we at some point in our lives can all be celebrities, for example at a prize giving, the birth of a child, our wedding are these not all times when we feel important, on top of the world and as if all our dreams have come true?

Demand 1:

I want to be loved for who I am, not who you think I should be.
I am only a human being I have my own beliefs, thoughts, and dreams.
I make mistakes just like you and they are mine.
I choose my own path through life and cannot tread the one you would like.

Demand 2:

I want acceptance and approval from you, not argument and upset.
I feel that you do not always approve of my decisions, nor understand my motives.
I only have your best interests at heart and want you to be happy.
I want to help you and see you flourish.

Demand 3:

I want you to stop lying to me, as I can see straight through you.
I don't know why you feel it is necessary or the right way to behave.
I cannot take much more of your apparent disregard for my feelings.
I cannot accept you into my circle if you keep this up.

Demand 4:

I want to be happy, move forward with my life and live my dreams.
I need to fly away from all that is comfortable .
I have to live my own life now, and although I will support you,
It will be on my terms and not yours.

Demand 5:

I want to rebuild my relationship with God.
I am trying but I must try harder, I need to work through all of this.
I need the help and support of others to accomplish this
I will succeed, I usually do.

The Book That Changed Everythinng

This post links to Sunday Scribblings post 206 "The Book That Changed Everything".

As far as I can remember I have always been an avid reader, according to my family I started reading very early. The first book that I remember choosing and reading for myself was Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I was only eight when we went to WHSmiths, I remember being bowled over by the sheer amount of books in there, and the vast cavernous size of the place (today it does not seem so huge, but I suppose I have grown now). I do not know what prompted me to choose this book, nor why I thought it would be an excellent idea to read it. I only remember what my father said to me "Are you sure, you can read that? It is quite hard".

I was resolute that this was the book for me, so we purchased it and took it home. I cannot remember whether I started reading it that night, but I know that I was mesmerized by the book. I found myself dreaming about the cover, wondering what the characters might be like in reality, where they might live if they were alive in my eight year old world. I felt a distinct connection with Pip and especially wanted him to be my brother (I only had sisters you see). I loved the descriptions that Dickens postulated within the story. Although I seemed to struggle a little with the language I remember feeling very special, and like an adult because I had chosen this special book and it was mine.

I was especially spellbound by the hold that Magwitch had over Pip and this first chance meeting is one of my favourite parts of the novel.

'"Hold your noise!" Cried a terrible voice, as a man started up from among the graves at the side of the Church porch. "Keep still, you little devil, or I'll cut your throat!"
A fearful man, all in coarse grey, with a great iron on his leg. A man with no hat, and with broken shoes, and with an old rag tied round his head. A man who had been soaked in water, and smothered in mud, and lamed by stones, and cut by flints, and stung by nettles, and torn by briar's; who limped, and shivered, and glared and growled; and whose teeth chattered in his head as he seized me by the chin.
"O! Don't cut my throat sir" I pleaded in terror. Pray don't do it sir"'

To the eight year old in me this had me spellbound, I was hooked, I could not get enough. Great Expectations became my literary companion. I have lost count now of the number of times I have read the novel, but it is one to which I turn after many weeks, months, years of reading, when I have exhausted my library and do not want to buy anything new. Although my tastes have broadened and there are many other books that have changed my life in varying ways it is this one which will always be my first love, the one that set me on my literary journey through life and the one which opened up so many fictitious doors.

Fluency

This post is inspired by Sunday Scriblings post 205.

Fluency to me is associated with Motion, Liquid and Language. In this post I want to reflect upon the notion of Language.

Recently R and I wondered whether we were speaking the same language as we sometimes struggled to understand each other, in terms of what made us tick. We had seemed to drift away from the reasons why we had got married in the first place, although I suppose that after twelve years together things become complacent, common place and unexciting. We had lost the fluidity that brought us together in the first place. We were now the same people but tarnished with life experience, tiredness, and stress, we had lost the spontenaity, joy and flush that comes with first discovering each other.

I spent a lot of time reflecting about how we had lost our connection, understanding and meaning in tandem. Upon listening to a friend talk about how she did not understand her friends, I felt as if she was experiencing the same things that I was. I asked how she had found a way through and I was signposted to the "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I promptly purchased the book and needless since then we have been able to inject a new lease of life into a our relationship and our marriage. It turns out that we have been fluent in the same language all along we just did not recongnise the signs. We have had to make small changes and listen out for the markers that show us how we connect

It is strange how a book can help with the reflection, reconnection and show us that we are indeed fluent together.

Friendships and Relationships part 1

R and I did not seem to be able to communicate so well anymore towards the end of 2009. I think that the multi-faceted pressures of life, including work, family, and just general day to day living had begun to overtake us. We did not seem to be able to make much time for ourselves or indeed our friends. We were in desperate need of some re-evaluation, and much needed rest. The trip to New Zealand over the Christmas period of 2009 provided us with just that respite. We had time to reflect, refocus and reconnect.

Upon our return to Blighty we found that things within the family had taken a downward spiral but due to our new found focus we were able to adapt and change without too much upheaval. Yes, it has meant that we have had to make changes within our working patterns but it has given us a new found sense of freedom. We can now be more flexible, see more people and best of all spend more time outside doing the things that we love.
Having small people around for the weekends has shown us that work is not the ultimate answer. People matter and because of this we have been able to find more time to share with family and friends.

It does seem strange that travelling 12,000 miles away, opened our eyes and proved the point that the world must have been trying to tell us all along. I'll admit that its not been easy, but I now look forward to Friday evening coming.

Big Dreams

It's been a while since I last published on here. Life has taken many twists and turns, some of them good, some of them not so. But here I am back again and determined to keep some semblance of updatedness.

Sunday Scribblings asked for us to write about our Big Dreams this week, so I thought that I would give it a go.

Our dream that is R's and mine is huge, it involves much money, a lot of boxes, a container ship, a rather long plane flight and 12,000 miles. It means saying goodbye to all that we know family, friends, homeland, security and normality. However, when this dream becomes reality, which we know it will, we will have new challenges, beautiful scenery, new and old friends close by, peace, tranquility, time and much less stress.

Our dream involves moving to New Zealand to start a new life and focus on what is important to us a reconnection with self and each other. We cannot wait to start a new life in the Land of the Long White Cloud

Natures finest, hidden gem
Enchanting places, steeped in beauty
Wonderful delights at every turn

Zephyrs moving through the fauna
Escapism from reality, a distinct possibility
Absolute tranquility, following harmony
Loveliness abundant, throughout the islands
Amazing land, created by God on High
Natural world, remaining untouched by humanity
Delightful land, where anything is possible