What Would I demand

Today's post is inspired by Sunday Scribblings post 207 - Demands.

In its simplest form the post asks for us to write about our demands if we were a celebrity. I find this a really hard concept to follow as on the one hand I despise the celebrity culture for the simple fact that for many they are unable to remain hidden in their own private world. Society as a whole wants to know everything about them, Who are they dating?, Has their marriage failed?, How big is their house?, What are their demons?. So I guess that even their demands are there ready, waiting to be plucked from the air and transcribed so dutifully in the pages of Hello, OK and Heat magazine.

Although I must admit that even I on occasion have fallen foul of the societal media machine and purchased that copy of OK magazine just because Peter Andre was on the front cover!! I know it is shallow considering my statements above but I have a genuine like of the guy and find myself fascniated by his life, I do not want to know every little thing that he has done, I'm not interested if he has Bollinger Champagne on tap, or purple towels in his room whilst on tour etc. I want to see the family man, know that he is enjoying his life with and through his young family.

So for me to assume the role of a celebrity would be a difficult one I do not know where I would start or even if I would demand anything. I think I am the most unassuming person when it comes to myself, I like to give and make people happy, anything I want remains hidden inside. Perhaps then I will twist this post and instead of being a celebrity I will be me, because I think that we at some point in our lives can all be celebrities, for example at a prize giving, the birth of a child, our wedding are these not all times when we feel important, on top of the world and as if all our dreams have come true?

Demand 1:

I want to be loved for who I am, not who you think I should be.
I am only a human being I have my own beliefs, thoughts, and dreams.
I make mistakes just like you and they are mine.
I choose my own path through life and cannot tread the one you would like.

Demand 2:

I want acceptance and approval from you, not argument and upset.
I feel that you do not always approve of my decisions, nor understand my motives.
I only have your best interests at heart and want you to be happy.
I want to help you and see you flourish.

Demand 3:

I want you to stop lying to me, as I can see straight through you.
I don't know why you feel it is necessary or the right way to behave.
I cannot take much more of your apparent disregard for my feelings.
I cannot accept you into my circle if you keep this up.

Demand 4:

I want to be happy, move forward with my life and live my dreams.
I need to fly away from all that is comfortable .
I have to live my own life now, and although I will support you,
It will be on my terms and not yours.

Demand 5:

I want to rebuild my relationship with God.
I am trying but I must try harder, I need to work through all of this.
I need the help and support of others to accomplish this
I will succeed, I usually do.

The Book That Changed Everythinng

This post links to Sunday Scribblings post 206 "The Book That Changed Everything".

As far as I can remember I have always been an avid reader, according to my family I started reading very early. The first book that I remember choosing and reading for myself was Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I was only eight when we went to WHSmiths, I remember being bowled over by the sheer amount of books in there, and the vast cavernous size of the place (today it does not seem so huge, but I suppose I have grown now). I do not know what prompted me to choose this book, nor why I thought it would be an excellent idea to read it. I only remember what my father said to me "Are you sure, you can read that? It is quite hard".

I was resolute that this was the book for me, so we purchased it and took it home. I cannot remember whether I started reading it that night, but I know that I was mesmerized by the book. I found myself dreaming about the cover, wondering what the characters might be like in reality, where they might live if they were alive in my eight year old world. I felt a distinct connection with Pip and especially wanted him to be my brother (I only had sisters you see). I loved the descriptions that Dickens postulated within the story. Although I seemed to struggle a little with the language I remember feeling very special, and like an adult because I had chosen this special book and it was mine.

I was especially spellbound by the hold that Magwitch had over Pip and this first chance meeting is one of my favourite parts of the novel.

'"Hold your noise!" Cried a terrible voice, as a man started up from among the graves at the side of the Church porch. "Keep still, you little devil, or I'll cut your throat!"
A fearful man, all in coarse grey, with a great iron on his leg. A man with no hat, and with broken shoes, and with an old rag tied round his head. A man who had been soaked in water, and smothered in mud, and lamed by stones, and cut by flints, and stung by nettles, and torn by briar's; who limped, and shivered, and glared and growled; and whose teeth chattered in his head as he seized me by the chin.
"O! Don't cut my throat sir" I pleaded in terror. Pray don't do it sir"'

To the eight year old in me this had me spellbound, I was hooked, I could not get enough. Great Expectations became my literary companion. I have lost count now of the number of times I have read the novel, but it is one to which I turn after many weeks, months, years of reading, when I have exhausted my library and do not want to buy anything new. Although my tastes have broadened and there are many other books that have changed my life in varying ways it is this one which will always be my first love, the one that set me on my literary journey through life and the one which opened up so many fictitious doors.

Fluency

This post is inspired by Sunday Scriblings post 205.

Fluency to me is associated with Motion, Liquid and Language. In this post I want to reflect upon the notion of Language.

Recently R and I wondered whether we were speaking the same language as we sometimes struggled to understand each other, in terms of what made us tick. We had seemed to drift away from the reasons why we had got married in the first place, although I suppose that after twelve years together things become complacent, common place and unexciting. We had lost the fluidity that brought us together in the first place. We were now the same people but tarnished with life experience, tiredness, and stress, we had lost the spontenaity, joy and flush that comes with first discovering each other.

I spent a lot of time reflecting about how we had lost our connection, understanding and meaning in tandem. Upon listening to a friend talk about how she did not understand her friends, I felt as if she was experiencing the same things that I was. I asked how she had found a way through and I was signposted to the "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I promptly purchased the book and needless since then we have been able to inject a new lease of life into a our relationship and our marriage. It turns out that we have been fluent in the same language all along we just did not recongnise the signs. We have had to make small changes and listen out for the markers that show us how we connect

It is strange how a book can help with the reflection, reconnection and show us that we are indeed fluent together.

Big Dreams

It's been a while since I last published on here. Life has taken many twists and turns, some of them good, some of them not so. But here I am back again and determined to keep some semblance of updatedness.

Sunday Scribblings asked for us to write about our Big Dreams this week, so I thought that I would give it a go.

Our dream that is R's and mine is huge, it involves much money, a lot of boxes, a container ship, a rather long plane flight and 12,000 miles. It means saying goodbye to all that we know family, friends, homeland, security and normality. However, when this dream becomes reality, which we know it will, we will have new challenges, beautiful scenery, new and old friends close by, peace, tranquility, time and much less stress.

Our dream involves moving to New Zealand to start a new life and focus on what is important to us a reconnection with self and each other. We cannot wait to start a new life in the Land of the Long White Cloud

Natures finest, hidden gem
Enchanting places, steeped in beauty
Wonderful delights at every turn

Zephyrs moving through the fauna
Escapism from reality, a distinct possibility
Absolute tranquility, following harmony
Loveliness abundant, throughout the islands
Amazing land, created by God on High
Natural world, remaining untouched by humanity
Delightful land, where anything is possible

Jubilee (Toys)

Ok so I'm a little behind with my Sunday's but never mind ...

Jubilee

Knitted for me,
In the year of my birth,
1977, a time of celebration and Jubilee
Clothed in Red, White and Blue.

Created with love,
By an angel, now up above,
December 1st a time of celebration and birth,
Clothed in Red, White and Blue.

Given with joy,
For the newest grandaughter to love,
The littlest bear, slept by her side,
Through heartache and joy,

Still here now,
Thirty-One years later sharing her bed, the bear called Jubilee,
Waiting for the right time,
To meet the new child, for him to love.

My Angel

This week Sunday Scribblings posted the title "Vision". I decided to share another of my poems this was written just after my beloved grandmother died in 2000. I strongly believe that the night before this poem was written she came to me as an angel and promised to be with me always. From time to time I sense her still, so here is my vision to share with you...

My Angel ...

Last night I dreamt I saw an angel,
So perfect, serene and peaceful,
Her face shone, so pure and radient,
Her smile was a joy to behold, so beautiful.

Her wings made from purest gold,
Gleamed with the sight of the Son,
Her dress made from silky, satin white,
Sparkled with the light of the moon.

Her halo, simple, jewel encrusted,
Streamed with a thousand smiles,
Her not as white as it used to be,
Sparkled like the stars.

She stood beside my shoulder,
Watching over me,
She told me that she loved me,
And that she would never leave.

She's here with me always,
In everything I do,
She's quite simply,
My Guardian Angel.

Soul Mates

Sunday Scribblings asked this week whether we believe in Soul Mates and do they exist? My answer to this is a wholehearted and resounding "YES". I believe that throughout their life a person can have more than one soul mate.

I know that I have had two so far in my life. The first being an ex and the second being my husband. I also belive that although you may find your Soul Mate, you are not always destined to be with them, or that you are with them for a short time until you move on.

I want to share a poem that I wrote at the time I reconected with Richard and realised that he was my soul mate:

You

You came into my life,
like a much needed breath of air,
A light in a world of blackest night,
A world where no one could reach out and touch me,
A world where my frozen heart remained shrouded in ice.

Yet you and only you,
Managed to break the barriers down,
You melted the ice around my fragile heart,
You saw the real me beneath the multicoloured layers,
You saw the real me through the shrouding mist.

You did not turn away,
When you knew of the past, terrible but true,
You stood by and watched me crumble,
You stood by and helped me stand,
You showed me a love so strong and true.

Yet you and only you,
Remained faithful through each and every storm,
You helped me to grow strong and brave,
You helped me to love once again,
You showed me how to live once more.

Through your never-ending trust,
You helped me to love you,
You helped me to care once again,
You showed me a love so strong and true,
And now I want to share it with you

Worry

The prompt from Sunday Scribblings for this week is entitled "Worry"... so here goes.

At the moment there are a lot of things on my mind which give me cause to worry. The first and foremost being that I simply don't devote enough time to God, I mean I try but I always find something else to get in the way. The second worry is that since I started my new job, I don't seem to have enough time to spend with my wonderful husband Richard, he says he understands but I feel as if our relationship is going down the pan. My third worry is connected to the second in that I don't ever seem to have enough "me time", the house is a mess, the garden is neglected and the animals well if I see them at all I'm lucky, my friends who are they? It all feels as if its getting to be too much and then I worry that if I give it all up we won't be able to survive, what with the mortgage, the bills and all the other things we need to spend money on.

I suppose that this could seem a little self- centred but its not meant that way at all, I do worry about my family both close and far away, I worry about the state of our planet, the many crises that occur on a daily basis and I wish that I could spend longer trying to do something to help everybody and everything. But I know that I'm only human, I have limitations and perhaps I should spend time trying to sort out the things in my own garden so to speak before trying to help anyone else.

Disconnected

The thing I find most frustrating about disconnected is not being able to access the Internet.

When Richard and I met I only used the Internet for study and then very rarely. I had never seen a chat room, I did not have an e-mail account and Facebook did not exist. As the Internet revolution took off I vowed that it would not rule my life, that I would not fall into the trap of being at is beck and call, how untrue that all seems now. Without the Internet, I can no longer seem to function in my daily life, it rules everything that I do. If I am to work from home, I need it to access files and my e-mail account, if I want to talk to friends I need it to Skype or type, most of my computer games seem to require some form of Internet connectivity.

Use of the Internet now seems to have become as much a part of my daily life as brushing my teeth or eating some food. I want to know what happened to that girl who was not driven by the need to sit enslaved to a machine and type, I'm sure she's around here somewhere. I feel that we through the use of the internet have now become more and more devoid from human contact, yes we have endless possibilities and more scope than ever before, but what of our need for affection, compassion and love? Is all we now have perpetuated through the machine?

My poem reflects my thoughts what do you think?

Disconnected

Desiring more than is healthy
Invisible people on your screen
Sensing you are remote
Studiously composing your next response
Cut off from reality
Out of touch with humanity
Needlessly searching for company
Ever present adoration
Cybernetically communicating
Taken and shut off
Enslaved by the machine
Dying to get yet another fix.

Follow

Catching up on a few Sunday Scribblings from the past few weeks, I have another poem to add to the 24th April post entitled Following.

The Choice

I've chosen to follow you,
I've given my life to you,
I am yours, and you are mine,
In your love, I will shine.

Your love surrounds me
Your love it keeps me strong
With you, I can't go wrong.

I've decided to walk your way,
Each and every single day,
I am yours, and you are mine,
Without your love I was blind.

Your love surrounds me
Your love it keeps me strong
With you, I can't go wrong.

I've walked your path,
I know this love will last,
You are mine, and I am yours,
Jesus, Saviour, Lord and Christ

Language

Language

This weeks Sunday Scribblings offering

If we did not have language where would we be?

If we could not communicate what would we do?

Language to me is a beautiful thing, a wonderful tool, an amazing form of communication. Each and every one of us has the capacity to use it in what ever form we choose. All over the world people are using language to make sentient points and discover new things. It is one of the combining factors that all of humanity share.

Language takes on many forms and each form has an essential uniqueness that sets it apart from another, some are easy to learn whilst others take a lot of time and effort. I myself would love to be fluent in Italian, but I only know a smattering. Is this because its too hard? or because in my busy life I just cannot be bothered? I think the later is right.

Learning process
Angrily Shouting
New words finding form
Gutteral utterings
Uniqueness at every turn
Absolutely Amazing
Gabbling fast
Evidenced through history

Scary

I found a blog called Sunday Scribblings, it seems that a topic is decided upon for a week and bloggers are invited to send their input to it. This weeks topic is "Scary" so I thought as I'm scared of many things I'd see what I could do ... (yet another first)

I'm Scared of many things
Loneliness, Abandonment and Desolation
Spiders, Worms and Ants
Scratches, Stings and Bites
Blindness, Deafness and Muteness
Pigeons, Snakes and Crabs
Claws, Talons and Teeth
War, Famine and Death
Cows, Goats and Wolves
but most of all Lightening, Thunder and Wind

The Thunderstorm

Clouds Move,
Sky Darkens,
Rain Pours,
Wind Blows,
Lightening Strikes,
Thunder Roars.

Birds Fly,
Dogs Howl,
People Run,
Doors Slam,
Lights On!
Lightening Strikes,
Thunder Roars

Children Cower,
Can't Sleep,
Phone Rings,
Don't Answer,
THUNDERSTORM!